New Year, New Adventures

Well hello there! Welcome to my new foray into blogging: Meaghan the Mzungu.

"What is a mzungu?" you may ask yourself....or me. I'd be more than happy to tell you. Mzungu is the Kiswhahili word for a person of foreign descent. Literally translated, it means the "aimless wanderer" or "one who wanders aimlessly," and according to Wikipedia (always reliable) it was first used by East Africans to describe European explorers in the 1700s. The term has stuck, and for the second time in my life, I'll be uprooting and embracing the role of "that white girl" in a foreign land. In Korea, I was a "waegook", and when I move to Kenya this weekend, I'll be a "mzungu".

So, let me back track a little. In May 2012, I graduated from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, bright eyed, bushy tailed, and ready to change the world. I applied for jobs voraciously for a few weeks (before and after graduation) only to find that no one really wanted me to help them change the world. Though tons of applications submitted, I rarely got even a response saying my resume and cover letter were received, let alone interest in hiring me. I moved home, feeling frustrated and a little defeated, but glad that I was I able to go back to work for Anne Arundel County Public Schools for the summer.

Summer school came, and went, and still no bite on the job front. I got into a vicious spiral that went something like this: freak about about not having a job --> apply like crazy --> hear absolutely nothing --> get really upset --> stop applying for jobs to concentrate on wallowing in my misery --> freak out about not having a job....repeat ad nauseum. It was pretty awful. And I don't think I've ever gone through such a prolonged period of such intense self doubt. I was mad at everyone- myself for not applying, Harvard for letting me and giving me a false sense of security in when "they" knew I'd be unemployable when I graduated,  the companies I applied at for ignoring that I even existed, and on and on and on. After summer school ended I survived a few weeks on that pay, before realizing that I needed to get serious about another short term job. I applied at AC Moore and they didn't even call me back. The idea of having to go back to retail after paying big bucks for my masters was extremely difficult for me to swallow. I was not in a good place.

After not even getting called back for a job at a CRAFT STORE, I started to really freak out. One afternoon in September, after scrutinizing my bank account and realizing I couldn't even afford my next month's bills, I bit the bullet, swallowed my pride, and did something I really really really didn't want to do. I called the Anne Arundel County Public Schools Substitute Office.

Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against subs. I just know myself too well. I know that I cannot function in situations where I roll in, feeling unprepared and off kilter, to a new school/classroom each day. I am just not cut out for that. Some people thrive in those situations. I do NOT. Anyway, I called the office on a Tuesday, and they said that they weren't even accepting new applications for subs, the pool was closed. (Cue me starting to panic and hyperventilate about how I was going to make ends meet.) But...wait...an elementary school had just called, and they had an opening for a long-term sub in special education. The position was at a Title I school in Annapolis and would last 6-12 weeks. Was I interested?

Well this put in kind of a quandry. I needed the job (read: paycheck) BADLY, but what if a "real" job came along before the end of my substitute position? Who would I leave in the lurch? It was only a few minutes into this mental conversation that the reality of the fact that I hadn't found a job in the last 4 months set in, as did the relatively slim likelihood that one would come along while I was in this position. I agreed to come in for the interview, spoke to the Vice Principal, and found out I was hired the next day. It was serendipitous.

But I was not without worry. I had been in a similar situation before. I worked for two years as a full time special educator in the county, and it had ended up being a pretty damaging situation. The environment created by the administration was just not healthy for me, and I was extremely stressed and often upset during my second year. There was a great deal of pressure put on the special education team, yet I did not feel supported or encouraged. I felt defeated, and by the end of my tenure there, I was fleeing the country, not sure I really ever wanted to teach in America again. What if this school was the same way? AND on top of the regular amount of stress, I was coming in as a substitute only a month into the school year. There were so many opportunities for it to go bad.

And yet...it was amazing. Today was my last day, and as I walked out of the school where I've spent the last  15.5 weeks, I was overwhelmed by what a uniquely positive and wonderful experience it was. I can't quite pinpoint what makes the school so special, but I can say that the administration has cultivated an amazing atmosphere, where kids and teachers feel loved and supported. This example has trickled down into all of the classrooms I worked in, where for the first time I saw teachers take full ownership of all of their diverse, quirky, differently-abled kids. It was incredible. I was especially overwhelmed by the first grade teacher who I spent the bulk of my time with (hi, Ashley!) who is truly unparalleled in my experience. Her class of 20 was filled to the brim with kids who were learning English and/or gifted and/or requiring special education services. Kids who came from broken families and dangerous neighborhoods, kids who didn't have a steady source of food or guidance in their lives. Yet every day, she came in and made sure they knew, deep down, that they were loved and capable of doing amazing things. She pushed them to try new things, absorb new knowledge, and develop new skills. Every single one of them. My kids were, foremost, her kids as well. And that was the first time I've ever felt that from a regular educator. She was incredible to work with and I want to be just like her when I grow up (a student guessed that I was 15 today, so I've still got time)! I miss her and her class dearly already!

In truth nearly all of the (many) adults that worked at the school, were so fantastic to work with. I could always count on them to make me laugh, or understand a frustration, or come up with a solution for a problem I was having. And the kids...oh man. I used to work with older students and always professed my preference for forth and fifth graders until I started hanging out with preK-2nd graders. They are so quirky and creative and funny and interested. There was never ever a dull moment. And sure, there were challenging days, and days when being a teacher was damn near heartbreaking because of situations and decisions beyond your control, but my memories from this school are OVERWHELMINGLY positive: the dance parties with first graders to Michael Jackson and C + C Music Factory, a student very seriously telling me that if I ate pink shrimp I'd turn into a "'mingo" (he had just learned that flamingos are pink because of the shrimp they eat), heart to hearts with second graders, preK kids celebrating their achievements, teaching the entire second grade about Korea and watching them get mind-blowingly excited about their names written in Hangul, and making my students laugh when they were having a bad day. Over the few short months that I had the privilege of working there, this school single-handedly renewed my faith in myself as a teacher, and in American schools serving challenging populations. It was an eye opening journey, and something I wouldn't have given up for the world. As I walked out of the building today, on my last day, clutching the hilarious and heartfelt book Ashley's class made for me, I was so incredibly sure that this was exactly where I was supposed to be for the past few months. All of the heart ache and frustration incurred in the months that led up to that point is lessened because of what I got in return.

Love this picture of me the most.

I do like saying funny things and making the kids laf.

Hahaha, I constantly strive to dress cute. Thank you for noticing, Raquel.

I am also glad Micah recognizes my individuality and personal "stile".

And it kind of worked out perfectly. Right before Christmas break, and two months after I started applying for the job, I was offered my new position at an organization in Nairobi. The process was long, and included multiple interviews as well as a practical skills demonstration, but I am incredibly excited about the position, including all of its challenges.  One of the struggles during my job search process was the irksome reality that most businesses simply did not consider classroom teaching experience to be applicable to their project management positions. (Which is both totally false and incredibly frustrating.) My new company, on the other hand, values my experience and will act as a (no pun intended) bridge to the next stage of my career. I am excited both about the job that I signed on to do for the next two years, and for the opportunities it will create in my future.

I am also incredibly lucky and blessed (once again) to have found a wonderful roommate via Expat-Blog. My roommate D, from over at The Wanderlust Conventionalist (don't worry, I'll whip her into shape and get her updating more) works for USAID and has already been on the ground for a year. She's already proven herself invaluable, ordering me a new mattress that will be delivered to my room before I arrive, giving me pointers on what to pack, and putting my mind at ease about the next big chapter in my life. You'll be hearing a lot more about her in the future! She's awesome!

Now comes the waiting. Hopefully by the time I wake up tomorrow morning I'll know the final details on my flight information. It is highly likely that I leave this Saturday, January 5. At this point, I would say I am about 93%packed to go. The next two days are scheduled chock full of errands, goodbyes, and quality time with my mom and dogs. Though there are butterflies for sure, I can't help but feel extremely hopeful and excited about what comes next. And that is a great feeling. Happy New Year!